God’s Vagabond Child..

I just want to congratulate those who graduated yesterday! You did it and I know that you are proud of yourselves. However, I also know that you may feel pangs of sadness as the days will continue to move on, knowing that you will all have to go on separate ways!

I am also a graduate of ‘St.Jo’, as you may know.. heheh..

Understand, however that Life will move on and on and on.. It won’t wait for you.. It’s a painful truth.. Try to move on soon..

You are now free and you will now travel the world as adults.. yes! Adults!!..

As college students, you have to, of course, bring with you all the teachings of your mentors. It could be something bad or good. Either way, I know you have learned something from it..

Now, you have to decide on your own!.. Think for yourself and start to think of independence.. However, do this without compromising things that need not be compromised…

Experiment, Be stupid, take idiotic risks, try things out, laugh, party, flunk, pass, skip classes, perfect an exam, anything! Do it if you want to.. But make sure that you understand it wholly and you are ready to take the risks.. =)

Azzazzinz 06

ALTASHHETH™

If you know me quite well, UNBELIEVABLE will be the first thing that comes into your mind after reading the title..

But yes, there was this 500ml of Redhorse in front of me last week and I can’t even finish it half way.. It happened after I tried to get everyone’s attention after drinking my heart out last week.. After I screamed and scattered every chair in my path and walked zigzagly to my room last week..You know, problems..

The thing that caught my thinking is that, if I want something to be stopped, I really have this strong will power in me.. I am drinking since my highschool beginnings.. Smoking came after several months.. But I did stop <smoking is 90% sure, but drinking.. Maybe just 30%> despite of the atmosphere here in our school where almost everyone smokes and drinks and gets nasty.. Hehhe.  but don’t get me wrong, everyone here is responsible..

Can’t think anymore..

AND.. I quitted smoking..

ALTASHHETH™

God’s Vagabond Child..

Aimless.. Conufused.. Struggling.. Finding strength in what is left..

I am starting to return to Faith.. I don’t know.. This thought just came into my mind.. It is not intentional or full of effort.. It is spontaneous.. Candid.. I really don’t know if I really did return to Faith.. I can’t give concrete reasons or proofs.. All i know is I feel it.. I think I do..

God’s vagabond child.. I will really confess that I based this on Anne Rice’s book that is titled, The Vampire Armand.. Though the original was Vagabond Child of Satan.. I know I am not worshipping any God, so it follows that I do not worship any evil..

God’s vagabond child because, I know He is there.. Like I have said, I don’t know why I acknowledge it.. I just do.. Without reasons.. Without proofs to support it..

Aimless because I just wander in my daily living without a point, without any direction.. I just let time slip for no apparent reason.. I am aimless still.. I will be aimless for a very long time..

Confused because I am not sure of my identity.. I was never sure, that is why I jump from principles to principles.. I am easily convinced and influenced.. But I was never stupid.. I am easy, yes.. But I can still think.. I am just confused..

Struggling because I am trying to struggle to overcome this all and be able to draw out my maximum potentials.. I am struggling everyday to find a purpose… To overcome my confusion.. But seems unable to still.. <sigh>

Finding strength in what is left…

I am battered by everything that comes in my way.. I am battered by everything that comes into my mind.. And I find refuge in all that I can still grasp in this increasingly darkening horizon.. I am blind i  here.. Until that light will save me again.. Again.. I don’t what or who that Light is..  But I know it will come, like the way it came before.. I hope it will still be the same Light..

To sum things up, I know that there is this ultimate being that knows all this things.. He prescibes what will feel good for us.. What will feel normal to us.. But goodness is in the gut level.. I mean, it is good if you honestly think it is good..If you do not harm others on the account of that "goodness".. It is good if it is good.. My mind is all scribbly and foggy today..  But I hope that I have successfully realyed everything that I want to say..

May you stay with me..

ALTASHHETH™