God’s Vagabond Child..

God’s Vagabond Child..

Aimless.. Conufused.. Struggling.. Finding strength in what is left..

I am starting to return to Faith.. I don’t know.. This thought just came into my mind.. It is not intentional or full of effort.. It is spontaneous.. Candid.. I really don’t know if I really did return to Faith.. I can’t give concrete reasons or proofs.. All i know is I feel it.. I think I do..

God’s vagabond child.. I will really confess that I based this on Anne Rice’s book that is titled, The Vampire Armand.. Though the original was Vagabond Child of Satan.. I know I am not worshipping any God, so it follows that I do not worship any evil..

God’s vagabond child because, I know He is there.. Like I have said, I don’t know why I acknowledge it.. I just do.. Without reasons.. Without proofs to support it..

Aimless because I just wander in my daily living without a point, without any direction.. I just let time slip for no apparent reason.. I am aimless still.. I will be aimless for a very long time..

Confused because I am not sure of my identity.. I was never sure, that is why I jump from principles to principles.. I am easily convinced and influenced.. But I was never stupid.. I am easy, yes.. But I can still think.. I am just confused..

Struggling because I am trying to struggle to overcome this all and be able to draw out my maximum potentials.. I am struggling everyday to find a purpose… To overcome my confusion.. But seems unable to still.. <sigh>

Finding strength in what is left…

I am battered by everything that comes in my way.. I am battered by everything that comes into my mind.. And I find refuge in all that I can still grasp in this increasingly darkening horizon.. I am blind i  here.. Until that light will save me again.. Again.. I don’t what or who that Light is..  But I know it will come, like the way it came before.. I hope it will still be the same Light..

To sum things up, I know that there is this ultimate being that knows all this things.. He prescibes what will feel good for us.. What will feel normal to us.. But goodness is in the gut level.. I mean, it is good if you honestly think it is good..If you do not harm others on the account of that "goodness".. It is good if it is good.. My mind is all scribbly and foggy today..  But I hope that I have successfully realyed everything that I want to say..

May you stay with me..

ALTASHHETH™