God’s Vagabond Child..

07:43pm-April 9, 2007

Wasn’t Thomas lucky?

He didn’t believe the Lord has Risen, and he was given the chance to see Him. After saying that he wanted to lay his hands on the wounds before he would really believe that He was alive again, Jesus showed up and allowed him to touch the Divine Wounds in his hands…

What about the rest?… Us?…

We also doubt, but why doesn’t God show up and whack us in the ass for not believing in Him? Why doesn’t He show up in our dreams and torment us until we believe in Him? Or why doesn’t he hurl down lightning in our midst everytime we speaks blasphemy against Him?

Stupid.. Very stupid questions..

God shows Himself to us in different forms and ways, but we are too blind to see them.. I too, though I write this in His defense, am too blind to see Him around us and I still doubt Him though I am telling you this… I just know that it is the Truth.. That He loves us.. That He knows what is Evil and not Evil… He knows what is wrong or right.. But we sometimes are too overwhelmed by the RULES that we impose upon ourselves, old rules that have rooted out from our past ignorance and close-mindedness..

We live in the present.. And a better understanding of things is at hand, but we don’t embrace it.. We stick to our RULES…

No! Don’t even think for a second that I’m trying to tell people to kill people or to rape or to steal.. Those are, indeed, wrong.. But take the case of the Witch Burnings by the Christian faith in the past.. Woman who seek to rule or to voice out are tagged as witches and are burned.. It was wrong then for women to voice out and speak.. But today, it is not.. I hope you get my idea.

Anyways, God loves us… He does..

Think about it…

Doubt like St.Thomas, and ask Him to let you put your finger in his wounds… Then, understand the things that will come your way.. Open your eyes..

ALTASHHETH™

07:52pm - April 09, 2007

03-28-07, 01:01am

It has been quite a long time since I wrote something in this blog. Today is my last day here in my dormitory (FH2 Balay Kanlaon) and after a long time, I got  drunk  again though it was not as much as the last.

Many things have had happened to me and Heaven knows how I tried to overcome them. And there was this very comparatively shorter time that I thought I have overcome these things (since the the time I wrote "can’t drink anymore" ).

But I was dreadfully wrong. It still haunts me and hurts the wounds and tries to extinguish the very weak light in me — that’s Life.

The pain that I will forever carry within me; that I will  feel this for these persons (and the others that will come… soon.) and they won’t have the heart or the conscience to reciprocate it back to me.

Damn.

It’s hard for me, for us who feel this masochistic scar within us. This pain that feels good and painful and frustrating.

It is better yet for those persons who’ve experienced this and lived through it. Bless their souls. For I will be one of them.

God knows that it is not proper, it is wrong. But He also knows that it is not evil — for it is Love.

However tainted and improper, still it is Love.

Lash me, suffocate me, taunt me, give me shame, laugh at me, pity me, kill me.

I still know that it is never evil, though it is not right.

AHhhhrrrgggggggg…..

He knows, He knows that I am trying.

He knows.

And He will deliver me from the punishment that I will face for this.. Divine Wrongness..

I will try still, though I am hurt, to push through..

Be with me..

ALTASHHETH™

03-28-07, 01:18am

Crap…

I hate those stupid chain messages..

“Holy mary bla bla… Please send this to a million of your friends and you will receive a blessing..”

And voila! after the message there is this “testimonial”

“(Enclosed in parentheses) Yes! Oh my God it is true! I found a million bucks after I sent it to a million friends!”

Pure stupidity, waste of time..

Asking why I am so heated up when I can ignore these messgaes anyways? Well, some of those messages have gone too far — they are telling me that if I won’t send their crappy messages, my mom will die..

Ohhh and for the fun of who will be foolish enough to send these messages to everyone on their phonebooks? Ahhhrrrgggggg.. And to test how far will these messages reach…

Yeah, it was quite senseless.. This message I mean.. But the point is, why waste time with these things? And would GOD bother to bless those who are diligent enough to send a million if these HEAVEN SENT messages??

For the love of everything Holy, and they call themselves Catholics, Christians, Muslims?

And they still have the face to go to Masses?

To make the Sign of the Cross?

Stupid. Stupid. Very Stupid.

Desecrated, Damned beings..

I hope they all burn in Hell…