God’s Vagabond Child..

03-28-07, 01:01am

It has been quite a long time since I wrote something in this blog. Today is my last day here in my dormitory (FH2 Balay Kanlaon) and after a long time, I got  drunk  again though it was not as much as the last.

Many things have had happened to me and Heaven knows how I tried to overcome them. And there was this very comparatively shorter time that I thought I have overcome these things (since the the time I wrote "can’t drink anymore" ).

But I was dreadfully wrong. It still haunts me and hurts the wounds and tries to extinguish the very weak light in me — that’s Life.

The pain that I will forever carry within me; that I will  feel this for these persons (and the others that will come… soon.) and they won’t have the heart or the conscience to reciprocate it back to me.

Damn.

It’s hard for me, for us who feel this masochistic scar within us. This pain that feels good and painful and frustrating.

It is better yet for those persons who’ve experienced this and lived through it. Bless their souls. For I will be one of them.

God knows that it is not proper, it is wrong. But He also knows that it is not evil — for it is Love.

However tainted and improper, still it is Love.

Lash me, suffocate me, taunt me, give me shame, laugh at me, pity me, kill me.

I still know that it is never evil, though it is not right.

AHhhhrrrgggggggg…..

He knows, He knows that I am trying.

He knows.

And He will deliver me from the punishment that I will face for this.. Divine Wrongness..

I will try still, though I am hurt, to push through..

Be with me..

ALTASHHETH™

03-28-07, 01:18am