The Thinking Congenital Cannibal’s Bane..
May 23, 2007
07:50PM
What a title.. I think this would be long so.. if you aren’t that interested, just scram! I don’t need you and your uncaring soul..
*sigh*
Thank you for continuing.. I think this would be my last, at least for a very long period of time.. The idea is, try to put yourself in the shoes of a Thinking Cannibal-born human.. I mean, he’s a human alright, but he must live on human flesh alone. However freaky it might sound, he has no choice.. And to live.. Someone must die for him.. Though he may have to become cruel and insensitive, he can think and empathize and he was ever good and helpful and kind..
He must live on his fellow and he has no choice.
Would he be considered evil or mean just because of this unwanted need?
Each of us has our own struggles and we never can be freed from it - ever. Until we die, we should, more or less, suffer and struggle..
But is God discriminating in giving these struggles?
Is He fair in giving problems and tests?
As for me, I believe that my eternal suffer would be finding thorough acceptance from the people that I really and truly love.. And am I to be blamed? Do I really have a choice?
All I know is that, in my current state of feeling, I will forever suffer the cycle of Joy and Sorrow.. Joy because I, at least, still have the thing that I seem to have equated with my life.. Sorrow because I know that though I have it, it will never be mine.. And again, am I to be blamed?
(Smack That now playing)
I want to be happy, that is all that I want.. I hope there is an Economics for the emotions.. (The allocation of limited happiness to man’s unlimited suffering..)
Do I need counseling?
Please tell me..
What do I need?
I have been counseled upon; Advices I received from everyone; Sincere friendship has been given to me but I still am suffering and I just can’t listen to them.. I never heeded their advices or counsels or what… I am still the same..
*sigh*
Am I stubborn?
What?
The main problem maybe is that I can’t seem to find the core of this all.. Or I haven’t recognized it yet, though it’s just under my nose.. I really don’t know..
I can’t write poems now and I’m too sane to cut myself.. And I can’t find an outlet anymore..
WaaaAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
i hope can relate to what I am saying now..
I need to find answers..
I need to Understand..
I am giving love that can never be reciprocated…
I am growing up but I can’t find my purpose..
I am too blind and dumb..
I am stupid..
Ahhhrrrrrrggggggg……
My eternal struggle would be earning the Love that I want… and learned to need.. The love that I know would be my last and best.. The love that failed me.. The love that I must, ’til my dying day, suffer…
I’m a cannibal myself.. I can’t help but "eat" my "fellow"..
Do I have a choice?
Should I be blamed?
ALTASHHETH™
Rafeee Said:
on May 24, 2007 at 5:12 am
haaayy.. i dont think you need counseling. you got a lot of it but look what you feel now. enough of those advices. its all up to you. its all in your hands whatever you want to do.
it’ll pass. maybe in a year or two. three years? sus.. dali lang na. you are not stupid or anything. ok?
**beyond words**
Eva Said:
on May 24, 2007 at 8:43 am
its been a while since i logged on but i saw that i had many comments in my email..teehee, honestly i thought you were going to wish me a happy birthday >_~ but that’s really not important.
anyway, its amazing cuz i understand exactly what you are saying. i’m not joking, its true. i’m not sure if you’ll believe me, but it really is true. the only difference is that you actually were able to put it into words.
darling, you don’t need counseling. i’ve been there and it doesn’t really help. only the person, and that is you, can help yourself. you are not stubborn, dumb, whatever. you are human, and being human, you are subject to the evil that is mortal limitations. i do not want to make you lose hope, but the truth is that you can never find the core of all these which you feel, of all these which haunt you, if you just keep on asking. this is is because no human can ever give you the answer. your questionings are those that people since time began have been asking. and up until now, they are still looking for the answer. what you need to do is to continue on with your life, living it the way that you want. do not subject yourself always to conform with everything you see, hear, read. live, but never forget your questions. keep them at a safe distance; not too far away as you might lose them, not too close as they may turn on you and drive you insane (oh yeah, i’ve been there…i gues i’m still there)because who knows, maybe out of all the people that lived and are still living, maybe you are the one blessed to find the answer.
joy, sorrow, they are a cycle. you need not ponder beyond that. after every joy, sorrow would follow; after sorrow, joy.
you are giving love that cannot be reciprocated because nothing can be reciprocated except in mathematics or in sciences.
nothing can be replaced exactly. rather than mourn for that which you give away, realize all that which is being given to you.
And yes, as long as we live, we are SUPPOSED to struggle and struggle until the very end. it is the essence of living. life in itself does not have a purpose, and that it why we live. to give it a purpose, a meaning, or at least, search for one.
goodness and evil. it is like asking if zebras are black with white stripes or white with black stripes. like sanity and insanity, they interchange depending upon the circumstances they are presented therein. it is tempting, but as much as possible, do not try to classify yourself as it will only bring you more confusion and pain.
if you want to talk more (i know i want to), email me at any of the following addresses:
x_evaXazrael_x@yahoo.com
evaXazrael@yahoo.com
tastemeandmysins@yahoo.com
omg, i cant believe how much we have in common. i’m glad that there is actually someone else in the world (and in my country too!) that is thinking what i am thinking. i makes life a little less lonely.
DaVid Said:
on May 24, 2007 at 9:26 pm
good day..it seems that you are surrounded with so many questions in this point of your life.. well, i’ll recommend you to Jesus.. He knows more than you know.. pray and pray for there is power in prayer..and in the end you can find answers..
(base on my experiences in life.. i know its difficult to live in this messy world, sometimes I think I’m all alone, that i have no friends left, that they have betrayed me..and i have proven myself that really Jesus is my true best friend)
Well, God Bless my friend..i know you can win that battle..just remember.. God does not give a load that you can’t carry..
I know you can!
odyssey Said:
on May 30, 2007 at 3:17 am
hey sweetie…hhmmm?you’re getting bitter huh?hey?you know what?today during my conversation sessions with some students…one of them asked me on what to ask God in His presence…i pondered for a moment…then i replied…”i’d ask God…why me?am i living my life according to my very name:odyssey?”…they smiled…rememeber the epic?the odyssey?do you visualize each stop odysseus had?the struggles to be tackled that lasted for almost twenty years…goodness…grab a lexicon..odyssey means a perilous journey…that scares me really…you see i guess my own journey has started already and yes…i have been experiencing my stops…left eternal scars…though some are rewarding…why do some people simply live a lax life?no complications at all?me?everytime i take several steps forward…surely i would stumble down…when i already managed to get up…here it goes again…anothing obstacle…another scar…yes it is a cycle…for awhile it’s orgasmic…then devastating…whether we like it or not…that’s how life should be…i feel for you sweetie…i may seem happy but i know i am not…i want to..but just like you…my frustrations incarcerate me…then it hurled back to me again…why me?why do i have to undergo these tortures that i don’t deserve?do i?hahaha…as what friends tell me…odz you have these problems because you are capable of handling them…because you are the right person for it…am i?i’d like to think so too…well..sweetie…face it…this is not a perfect world…and people everywhere bear such goodness as well as cruelty in them…we can’t blame them and even ourselves because human as we all are we aren’t perfect…come to think about it!if life is as perfect as we want it to be—then what the hell are we still doing here?!boring world eh!just don’t hurt yourself please…learn to accept the things you can’t change…and please…ask His guidance…you shall never find Him if you continue defying His presence among us…the mere fact of our existence and man’s good nature are proof enough that He’s around…yes…i know He is God..He should be doing something about our lives..but remember that He gavce us the freewill so that we can choose what’s best for ourselves…life is a gift…think of any gifts that you can rememeber..anything…look into their splendor…let’s see…car…watches…wine…house…pants…say family?friends?…any gift…material or non material gifts…they have limitations…life is one of the gifts…even love…it’s not always perfect…it’s beautiful but it has limitations…make the most of what you have while you still have this life…you’ll never know…sometimes blessings come in small packages but we fail to notice them because we are so spaced out of other things…i’m saying that though the world may seem to turn its back on us…still it’s never too late…i suggest read more inspiring books…not the bitter and depressing ones…do read Manual of the Warrior of Light by Paul Coelho…be gentle with your self…don’t waste your life…others are dying to stay alive!
Earvin Said:
on June 6, 2007 at 1:01 am
JM, sosyal blog mo, english speaking. Hehehehehehhe…