God’s Vagabond Child..

September 13, 2007
11:56PM

I definitely haven’t written here since July 30, 2007 (the one with the very looonnnggg and sensible body: ‘coming soon’ and I will delete it after I post this and you won’t see it in my blog.. hahahhaa..). And all of you - my few bored readers- might ask if I’ve wormed out of my freakingly depressing state-of-mood.

I have not.

I’m still the same shit-wallowing, about-to-commit-suicide-any-day-now, asylum-patient-to-be, trying to seek the **ckin’ Light entity who seems to be very good at making anything sunny sound snowy.

*sigh*

Well, anyway the title of this was only supposed to be "The hamster and the teddy bear" but I just remembered, or more likely, heard the rain and I changed the title into what it is now!

Just hours ago, I was drenched by the rain again. And I somehow enjoyed it! The freedom, the cold and the cleansing feeling that the rain can give you if you, well, allow the rain to give you a bath wholeheartedly. LOL

What I’m trying to say is that, the rain is a reminder that everything that goes up (evaporation) must and will surely come down (precipitation). And accepting the wholly the things that has to fall down will save you from the burden that comes when you try to escape or deny them.

Simply put — when the rain gets you, don’t swear — laugh and dance. Enjoy! There’s nothing you can do about it anyway..

Nyahahahhaha… That sounded… positive! Yuhhoooo! I know how to write positive things!

Anyways, as I’m writing this, my hamster is trying to escape from her cage. (by the way, this hamster is 30% of my grade! Shit! And I have to train her. If she doesn’t succeed in the maze when I present her to my Behavior Analysis teacher, I’m history) She wasn’t trying so just hours ago. She just started after I let her roam around the table while I was cleaning her cage. Maybe she learned (Sir! I’m using the technical word ‘learned’!!) that it was better outside. And now, she’s trying to go out because she liked it better outside. I couldn’t blame her. I gave her the chance to feel what it’s like to be outside and when the world seems to be so happy for her, I caged her again. Cruel. Very cruel.

Maybe I’m just like her. Trying to look for the thing that made me feel very good. Because it was given to me only for just a short while. And I missed it. But, as a thinking being, I know that it is very unique. So unique perhaps that only one of it exists in this universe or polyverse or what. No new pair or individual can replace it. It’s a fact that is clear to me now.

And like the hamster who just stopped trying to crack her teeth by biting the railings of the cage, and slept — I give up. Knowing that it will soon be back if it is really for me. One thing’s for sure however, I loved it and I still love it. Though it seems not to  bother at all.

The hamster will have her chance to enjoy the outdoors soon. I hope that I, too, can have it soon.

I blabbered for a very long time huh? Well, this’ll have to end soon. So, after 64 words, except the date and time, I will go to bed and sleep, wait for the morning that I never asked for, and try to make it through. As for now, I will sleep with my good friend’s gift to me before her departure - a memorable teddy bear who smiles permanently. I hope I could be like him.

Be with me still.. Always..

ALTASHHETH™

September 14, 2007
12:46AM