Bloodless transition..
Bah.. Poems? Yeah, i’ve written poems since I was in highschool.. It all started when I listened to Evanescence and a tragic thing happened.. ahahha.. Stupid.. I’m saying "a tragic thing happened" and I followed it with a "ahahha".. Well, it’s like an impulse.. When I text, i put hahaha, when i chat, i put ahhaha.. I seem to be a happy man…
And.. what i’ve written is so disorganized.. Jumping from one topic to another.. It’s because this blog post is spontaneous.. aahahahha.. (there goes the hahahah again..)..
Anyways, here I go again.. Again.. and again.. I’m dreaming and falling and, a new addition - crying… I’ve never cried this much since I came out of the cave that was my mother’s - you get the picture.. I came out of the house puffy-eyed, though it isn’t that obvious because my eyes tend to shape shift, sometimes they’re big, sometimes they’re chinky.. I dunno.. Many things happened this past few weeks.. It’s a sort of an avalanche for me… Uhmm.. erase.. make it, "this past few months"..
I graduated from highschool so i have to leave many people there that i never thought i’d leave.. My classmates, friends, acquaintances,.. etc… And… . . . yes. . . no. . baaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . . Goddamnit. . I really need to throw things on the wall and break them. . . I need it. . . .
Next, we transferred from talisay city to bacolod city and shit, it was change for me.. I grew up in the streets of carmela with my gang of friends who, though they are most of the time doin’ stupid things, I have loved so much.. 12 or 13 years of friendship.. Lost.. And a very good friend of mine who i trust with all of my heart, though she may not feel it that much..
Then, I studied in the mountains. yes.. mountains.. and i have to adjust to the new environment, stay there for months on end and go back home for a few days and back there again..
This all happened in the span of 1.66 years.. The transition burdens me so much..
I don’t wake up every morning to go to school, sleep in class, laugh with friends, fight or what.. walk home with a very influential friend.. Go home, play Lineage 2 with my computer buddies, walk home with them, and hang out in the sari-sari store and laugh the night away.. Call my very best friend at the back of our house and talk about school.. sleep.. and the cycle goes on..
I could just call anyone in the vicinity when I need help.. talk to classmates who do nothing.. I’m alone now..
I spent my christmas last year with a liter of Redhorse, that was it.. Spent the whole new year’s eve morning alone, and spent the night with strangers..
I don’t know if I can still make it through..
8:08pm
Nov.4 ,2007..
